it's amazing how often i forget what i am

Week starting Monday, December 14: Aries

Opportunity knocks this week as a new moon in Sagittarius amps uf the good fortune factor in your life. Don't burn yourself out chasing after your lucky star. Instead, practice the art of "holding the space". Creatively visualize waht it would be like to already have this wish come true. What would the experience be walking through your days? How would you feel, think, act, dress? As you shift yourself into this mindset, the right steps reveal themselves to you. Expand your discover radius to include people living halfway around the globe. The right collaborators for you may be a long-distance away now. Consider booking a plane ticket for a face-to-face meeting or enrolling in a longer-term course of study to get your skills up to date with your dreams.

General Characteristics of Aries:

Aries is ruled by Mars, the fiery red planet of energy and drive. In mythology, Mars was the god of war and aggression. Highly impatient and competeitive, many Aries have the fighting spirit of your mythological ruler. you love to be a hero--or to be swept away by one. As the zodiac's first sign, you were born to be number one. You're a solo star who steals the spotlight and inspires everyone with your confidence. Yeah, you can be impatient, even a little bossy, especially when you don't get your way. As the "baby" of the zodiac, you need lots of attention, and can throw quite the tantrum when you don't get it. Fortunately, you rarely have a problem turning heads. Your friends love to follow as you lead them on the latest adventure. Make sure to let other people be the boss every now and then, too, or you could alienate potential allies. Focus your competitive streak into a diva-worthy goal, delegate to your troops, and you'll rise to the top!

how does it feel to be different from me

Don't you see how much it hurts?

You're killing me.
You're killing all of us.
All of our hopes and dreams and desires-
Everything each of us has ever wanted,
Has ever accomplished,
Ever dreamed
Or succeeded at-
And you have to shoot us down,
Demean us,
Make us feel like nothing we have ever done
Or ever could do
Would be enough for you,
Enough to make you proud of us
For once in either of our lives.
How can you say that you love us
If you can't even say
That we have ever made you proud?
As parents, I would think
That that would be key...
I guess I'm wrong.

Why can't you, just once,
Show some empathy, sympathy, support, loyalty;
Something other than just apathy, contempt, disdain...

I'm so tired of feeling
Like this house is not a home.
I want to just go home,
But I haven't found it yet...
After 20 years,
You would think that place would be obvious...
But it's just not.
It hasn't been for years.
...years.
Years you've been too busy,
Too pessimistic
Too scornful
To help us fulfill our dreams-
Our dreams that are slowly being crushed
Forgotten
Altered
Diminished
All because you don't "approve"
Thinking the decisions we are making
To follow the shining lights
We see on our horizons
Won't get us where you want us to be...

Why can't you see
That every time you suppress us
Belittle us
Deprecate us
Criticize us
We lose a little more self confidence,
A little more hope,
A little more love of life,
A little more drive
To accomplish anything,
And feel like nothing we do for you
Will ever be worth it to anyone
Including ourselves...

How can you expect us
To do what you want
Be what you want us to be
When even though we try
To do everything you say
You still push us back down,
Talk about us behind our backs,
Don't encourage our efforts,
Disapprove of our progress,
And won't congratulate our successes,
However great or small each is or isn't??

I can't take it anymore.
I CAN'T.
I'm dying inside
Because of you.

I want you to read this
I want you to see my pain
See these tears
Know that you are the cause-
The reason none of us try,
Why we're distancing ourselves
From you-
Because your intentions for us
Emotionally distress us...

Is it sad that I know
That even if you ever read this
Nothing will change?
You never listen.
You're always right,
Never wrong.
I've told you before
And according to you
I was wrong.

Thanks
For believing in us.
For believing in me...
Thanks
For nothing.